Author Archives: coachingandhypnotherapyforlifeimprovement

The Importance of having Boundaries as an Independent Business Owner

Are you an independent business owner stressed and rapidly losing the love for your business? Then setting yourself boundaries is a must. So, what do I mean by boundaries I hear you say. Well, boundaries are a bit like having your own personal set of rules and regulations. For some professions such as counselling, boundaries are a fundamental part of our ethical guidelines. Put in place to protect us, the professional from burn out and also our customers from misleading services and relationships.

Let’s take some time to imagine a business owner without boundaries. This business owner is working every hour god sends and saying yes to every customer. Their customers are demanding the world and the separation between business and life is a blur. Their feeling fed up, panicked and completely overwhelmed. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, “but, I need to work this way to get enough money to survive.” I do get that, when I first started my business, I was in complete panic mode and said yes to everything and everybody. It was no surprise then, that very soon I was exhausted and actually doubting that I had done the right thing. I started searching for “real” jobs and was ready to give it all up within 4 months. My reasons for running my own business had not turned into reality. I know i’m not alone, the majority of my clients say that one of their top reason’s for going self employed was the flexibility that it was supposed to give them and their family. Another reason is that they want to be doing something that they love but they are actually resenting it already.

If you are feeling stressed, burnt out, overwhelmed and disappointed of the promised magic that working for yourself brings, then have a go at setting yourself some boundaries.

Start with being really clear about when and where you want to work. Devise yourself a working rota. Ask yourself these questions:

  • what days do I want to work?
  • What times do I want to work?
  • When am I prepared to respond to customer queries?
  • Where do I want to work?
  • When will I exercise, self care, meditate?

The other thing you may find helpful is to do this exercise alongside your business plan. That way you can account for the fact that in the beginning you may need a very quick cash injection. If money is tight, then you may need to set longer working hours in the beginning until cash flow becomes constant and perhaps you can then outsource some of your roles to others. Be realistic about how long things take to grow and if you have a family does this working rota marry up with your family vision? If not, are you willing to sacrifice that for now or do you need to make your timelines longer to achieve that vision? Remember though that if you are stressed and frazzled your customers will pick up on that and the money will stop flowing, people just wont want to work with you. What you put out, you will get back.

The use of a contract, T&C’s or agreement is another great way to set your boundaries and to help you be clear with your customers around, when they can contact you, how and when they need to pay, what they do if they have a complaint and what services they can expect from you. The best advice is to take your client through your contract, that way you know they’ve read it and any questions can be answered then and there. You will feel so much more in control and empowered knowing that all expectations have been set and agreed.

Now let’s imagine your own business, where you are working the hours you want to work. Time for other things in your life, time for you to recover, stay strong and love what you do. This will give you strength, focus, clarity and energy that is essential to allow you and your business to flourish. What boundaries do you need to install to achieve your vision?

Boundaries are just setting your expectations with yourself and your customers and also checking they align to your vision and timelines. If your feeling stressed, overworked and frazzled, give it a go, it may be just what you need.

Daniela Stones is a Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and soon to be Counsellor, specialising in supporting Independent Business Owners to overcome the pain, fears and self sabotage and emerge as thriving, happy and successful beings!

Contact me today for a free, no obligation chat, to see if I’m the support you need. Call me on 07948 685680 or email at info@danielastones.co.uk

 

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5 tips to change your All or Nothing Approach

Does this sound like you?

You really really want to achieve something. But for some reason you do nothing for ages and then suddenly something takes over you(you become a person possessed) and then throw yourself in 1 billion %. You start all guns a blazing, you go from zero to hero and then, BAM! you just stop dead. You beat yourself up, call yourself a failure, lose your confidence, hate yourself even more and for some crazy reason you find yourself wanting to achieve that goal even more. This time though, it seems even further away and so that vicious cycle continues.

This self sabotaging behaviour is certainly not uncommon. I have seen it with many of my clients, especially those that want to lose weight. My clients come to me exhausted, with zero confidence and feel like complete failures. Well, they are so wrong, they are in fact winners. They have made the incredibly brave first step and gone and sought out help.

Here are some of my top tips to overcome this mindset.

  1. Think about sustainability. To achieve something in life and then maintain it, it has to be sustainable. This is going to be for life, so converting to a juice diet will just not cut the mustard. Think about making small changes to your current way of life. Slow it down and take teeny tiny steps. Anything drastic and you will be right back at square one.
  2. Set realistic goals. One thing I have learnt over the years as a coach is that we want to achieve to much to quickly. Everything seems to take much longer then we imagine, so when we set a goal and don’t achieve it we feel like we have failed and give up. Set daily or weekly goals, give yourself lots of wriggle room and who knows you may even achieve more than you bargained for. Remember our lives are super busy so things just naturally take longer and our energy levels our lower.
  3. Don’t eliminate anything from your plan that brings you JOY! It just won’t work. It will just get you craving and before you know it you are on a super binge. Allow yourself the joy but just cut it down, moderate it but do not eliminate.
  4. Keep your eyes on the prize. Keep reminding yourself WHY you are doing this. How happy will you feel when you have achieved your goal? ecstatic, i’m sure. If you’re visual do yourself a vision board. If you’re auditory listen to recordings that keep you strong. If you’re tactile have something that you can touch to remind you of your WHY.
  5. If you really really want to make this happen but keep going round in circles then get yourself some support. A life coach will help you with your vision, your goal, your plans, your mindset, your actions and be there for you. Think of it as having your own personal cheerleader cheering you on from the sidelines but also making sure you find your way to success.

Good luck on your journey to your goal x

Daniela Stones is a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist based in Farnborough, Hampshire. For more information or to work with her visit http://www.danielastones.co.uk or email info@danielastones.co.uk

What is Life Coaching?

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I’m beginning to get the feeling that a lot of people see Life Coaching as just another fad brought over from America. To be honest, the recent boom of coaches has grown in the UK due to the huge success of coaching in America, but if it wasn’t truly helping people it never would have taken off.

There is no one starting place for life coaching but self-development has been in our psyche since life began. Without it we would have become extinct a very long time ago. Imagine cave men having no desire to learn how to build a fire or how to feed themselves. Progression of ourselves is a thing of necessity and tends to stop as soon as we leave school.

So what is Life Coaching? well contrary to popular belief it’s not about being told what to do in order to achieve your goals,hopes or dreams. If you want to be told what to do, find yourself a mentor or just ask your Mum! Coaching is different , coaching gives you time to talk, time to explore what you really want in life, time to remind yourself of your strengths, time to work out how to overcome your blockers and most importantly time to take action. Your coach becomes your supporter, your confidante and your biggest fan. All your coach wants is for you to achieve success in whatever way success means to you. Through powerful questions, space to learn and reflection you will pretty quickly find your confidence growing, your enthusiasm for life or business soaring and your energy sky rocketing. who wouldn’t want that?

Life Coaching doesn’t look back at any past trauma or issues. If you have some troublesome baggage maybe go and see a counselor first. You need to be really ready for change, really ready to move out of your comfort zone. Coaching is all about moving forward, making a change and stretching yourself with your coach by your side, cheering you on.

My one word of warning is please check your coach has had training and holds a qualification. Unfortunately anyone can call themselves a coach, hence the reason you are seeing the title everywhere. My training with The Coaching Academy was superb and changed my life completely. I’ve worked for some big corporate companies in my past where coaching my employee’s was an everyday part of life, but actually I learnt so much more in how to get the best out of people and how to get people moving in a positive direction again.

If you feel stuck in your life, sick of your comfort zone or have an over whelming dream but just don’t know how to achieve it, then a Life Coach could well be your answer. What could you and your life gain from having a coach?

visit http://www.danielastones.co.uk for more information or call me on 07948 685680.

How my need for routine stopped me in my tracks

running-498257_1280I’m a busy Mum to six year old twins still learning to juggle everything at once. I was becoming really frustrated with one of my goals that I just could not move forward on. I want to get fit, healthy and toned for me but also for my kids. As they grow at the speed of light, I find it harder to keep up and almost impossible to pick them up now. I’m also really aware that I’m an older Mum who just wants to live as long as I can, and be there for them for as long as I possibly can.

My motivation was there and I had a plan. A plan I thought was realistic and achievable, but oh no it wasn’t. what I hadn’t even realised was, that my need for routine just stops me in my tracks if I can’t find a routine. I wanted so badly to follow my plan and exercise on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday, fits in perfectly and to me looks and sounds just perfect. But life, or my life anyway just doesn’t work like that. Kids sickness, clients, deadlines, events and more just make it impossible for me to find a routine.

I had a breakthrough whilst on holiday, time out to reflect and to re-evaluate. I was actually thinking about some of my clients and their blockers when it suddenly dawned on me what mine was. My need for routine was so bad it was stopping me from doing any exercise at all, nada, zilch, nothing. Just that realization has allowed me to start moving again. I exercise when I can now and do whatever I can. Some days I can only fit in a short brisk walk and other days I can make it to a class. My new motto is “anything is better than Nothing” and so far its working a treat.

If your stuck and struggling to achieve something visit http://www.danielastones.co.uk for more information.

How my own fertility journey, inspired me to support others.

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How my own fertility journey, inspired me to support others.
So here I am almost 7 years after my twins were born telling my story of how they came to be here. What was supposed to be the happiest and most magical experience of my life actually was seriously difficult, traumatic, hard work and downright unnatural!

I had always wanted children but for me I just didn’t meet Mr Right until much later in life. As it transpired he wasn’t Mr Right after all, but that’s a completely different story!

So at the age of 37 I got married and we started trying for children straight away. I was desperate by this stage. we fell pregnant really quickly and the excitement, joy and happiness began to build. Unfortunately, at 12 weeks I began to bleed slightly and we rushed to hospital to be told to go home and rest and come back on Monday. I felt desperate, confused and I had no idea why this was happening. I remember taking myself straight to bed and praying and praying that everything was going to be ok. It wasn’t long before the crippling pains in my stomach began and it just seemed to go on and on and on………the bleeding got heavier and heavier and I knew in my heart of hearts that I had lost this beautiful baby.

It’s really weird but up until my miscarriage I had never really understood just how common miscarriages are. It’s estimated around a quarter of a million pregnancies end in miscarriage every year in the UK. I really thought it would never happen to me and I was so angry with myself as I thought I had clearly done something wrong. I understand now that it was nature’s way of taking my baby as it just wasn’t healthy enough in some way to survive, but that took a long time to accept that.

We had to wait a long time before we could try again as my body was still thinking it was pregnant. Every week I had to traipse to the hospital for a blood test and be told every week it was positive!! There were times when I thought the scans were wrong and I believed that I was still pregnant, that seriously messed up my head! Eventually the hospital decided to carry out a D&C and I had the all clear to start trying again.

But BAM, this time we didn’t fall pregnant. Every month at the beginning of my cycle I would be super positive and really happy that this was going to be the month. “This is it”, I would say and then after day 14, I would get more down and obsessed with looking out for every sign, anything to give me hope that this was the month. But, that sign never came and eventually I took myself off to the Dr’s for the dreaded tests. We both had to be prodded, poked and pricked and I was told my FSH levels were very high. I must admit I didn’t really understand what that all meant but now I get that I was going through premature menopause. My consultant explained it meant I had very few eggs left but IVF could be an option but may not be successful. I do recall a faint mumbled message that egg donation may be my only chance. My brain was screaming at me to do IVF, “I must have my own children” was repeated and repeated through my head over and over again. I just couldn’t stop the obsession no matter how hard I tried.

I think I basically forced my consultant to do IVF and so that ordeal began. I started the medication, stabbing my tummy every day. Scan days would come and it was not positive at all, “there are no eggs, I’m afraid, Mrs Stones” the treatment was stopped and I was told the only chance I had was egg donation. I couldn’t bear it, I didn’t accept it and I certainly wasn’t going to give up. I scoured the internet for the magic potion or pill that would give me my own children, I tried, acupuncture, reflexology, massages, aromatherapy, I changed my diet, I increased my exercise and I even tried a natural IVF cycle to absolutely no avail. I can’t tell you how many pregnancy tests I did in that time but the positive result I so badly yearned for never showed.

One day I was talking to a lovely lady I knew and I was telling her about my fertility issue. She mentioned to me, that her own children, were egg donation children. I could not believe it. I would never have guessed in a million years that they were not her own biological children. I was gob smacked and then a new hope grew within me.

So the next journey began and we started to explore egg donation. We found a fantastic group called the Donor Conception network and we attended a 2-day workshop with them. By day one, I knew this was it and I had to get on with it. The obsession began again; the impatience took over. This time though within 6 months, I was lying on a hospital bed having 2 beautiful embryos being transplanted into my womb.

Well you know my story has a beautiful ending, but I am also acutely aware this happy ending doesn’t happen for everyone. My advice to anyone going through fertility issues of any kind is to look after your mental and emotional wellbeing as well as yourself physically. Hindsight is such a marvellous thing, but looking back I can see now that I was an emotional wreck throughout the process. I didn’t allow myself anytime to grieve for the loss of my first baby and I certainly didn’t allow myself the opportunity to grieve for the fact that I could never have children of my own. I had become depressed and anxious about the whole situation and I hadn’t even realised. That is never a good concoction for nurturing a healthy and fertile body and mind.

Making the decision to share my own story has brought up a mass of emotions for me to deal with. The biggest one was that I knew I had to tell my children about their story and I just couldn’t do it. I am divorced now and I had always imagined that conversation would be had with all four of us sat down together. The thought of telling them on my own scared me senseless but I eventually summoned the courage and we had the conversation. The great news of course is, that I had nothing to fear, my children are my children through and through, they feel it a billion % and so do I.

Its 10 years since my fertility journey began and since then I have retrained and now specialise in fertility support for other women. My aim is to help women maintain a calm and positive mind-set through their own journey with the use of Hypnotherapy and Coaching. I work with women to reduce stress and anxiety, unblock any fears, feel back in control, maintain a positive and healthy mind-set, process loss and explore other options in a safe and non-judgemental space. Research shows that women with high levels of stress, have lower levels of egg production by up to 20% compared to women who were less stressed and 20% less likely to achieve egg fertilisation. Another study shows that infertile women utilizing mind/body techniques such as hypnosis boosted their chances of conception by up to 50%.**

If any of the above has resonated with you, please do get in touch on 07948 685680. http://www.danielastones.co.uk
** contact me for the study details.

A few fast and effective ways to declutter your mind…

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When do you know you should have a clear out?

Do you ever get that feeling of overwhelm? That feeling when your brain is just going to POP with stuff and nothing is making it go away. There was a time in my life when my brain was so full of stuff such as emotions and things to do that panic and anxiety hit me full on in the face. I suddenly stopped coping and couldn’t seem to get anything done, it was like being in a vicious cycle whirling out of control. Luckily for me I discovered life coaching and hypnotherapy and was able to take some time out to get off the cycle and re-evaluate my life. The first thing I had to do was de-clutter my mind which allowed me to see clearly again and think straight, it really did feel like cleaning a very dirty window and suddenly seeing a beautiful view that you didn’t even knew existed.  Here are some of my top tips to help your de-clutter your mind and have a view again:

  • Schedule yourself time for a brain dump. Get yourself pen and paper and sit somewhere quiet and just write down every single thought, feeling and emotion that comes into your brain. Write down everything you need to do and want to do and if nothing comes just write that. Try closing your eyes and take some slow deep breaths to help you relax and that may start your brain whirring.
  • Once you have everything out of your brain and onto paper its time to start prioritising. Mark stuff that’s urgent and important as top priority and work down from there. Try using a scale of 1-10 with 10 being high important and urgent and 1 being not urgent or important. What can you bin on your list? Only work with one list that incorporates work and life, that will really help with your work life balance.
  • Try and write your thoughts and things to do down as often as you can, ideally as you are thinking about them. The sooner you get these down the easier and quicker your mind will rest. Carry with you a pen and paper or use a to do list on your phone.
  •  Have a note book by your bed, but if you are anything like me this will be the best thing you will ever do. If your brain seems to ping on as soon as you switch your light off, then have a go at writing those thoughts down then and there. You will be amazed at how quickly you master the art of writing legibly in the dark, and you will sleep a whole lot better.
  • Call in the experts, if you are really struggling to make the first move or change the habits of a life time then coaching or hypnotherapy could be the answer for you. This will allow you time to focus just on you, your thoughts, your actions and behaviours and help you find the way forward that works just for you.

Watch out for my collaboration with http://www.facebook.com/yourspacesorted who will provide you with top tips to declutter your home.

contact me at info@danielastones.co.uk or visit http://www.danielastones.co.uk for more information